Should you go on a trip with your married colleague?
‘Should I take a chance and throw caution to the wind?’ (Photo courtesy of Metro.co.uk/Neil Webb)
‘Since my previous birthday, I’ve been restless and dissatisfied.’
‘I’m in my late 40s and have been married to my spouse for over 10 years. I met him when I was seeing my ex, and there was also a period when I was dating my prior partner, so I’ve been in many relationships.
‘I adore my partner, and he’s been a wonderful stepfather to my daughter, but he just has basic wants, and I want more.’
‘I rekindled old interests and started working part-time, and I discovered that one of my married coworkers is just as restless as I am. We have a lot of same interests and text often. He’s proposed that the two of you go on a day excursion together.
‘Should I take a chance and throw caution to the wind?’
You seem to understand that his invitation isn’t for sightseeing.
Dr. Angharad Rudkin adds, “You know there’s nothing innocent about sneaking out on a day excursion together.” ‘It’s obvious you’re both searching for something different, something interesting that will show you’re unique and valuable.’
You’re conscious of your habit of hopping from one lover to the next, departing when the relationship’s rhythm gets predictable and monotonous.
‘You feel like you’re being tossed about from one partner to the next, like a pinball between thumper bumpers, and you’re starting to question whether this is working for you,’ James McConnachie says.
So don’t make the same error again. Don’t use a new relationship as an excuse to terminate an old one.
‘If you want to leave your relationship, do it – not because you’ve found someone new and shiny, but because you really believe it’s over,’ Rupert Smith advises. ‘Go for it if you want to travel and have an adventurous life, but don’t base it on an affair.’
No one needs to be told that they are important, and you have already learned that no one can really make someone else feel good about themselves.
See also: Dating
‘Think about what it would be like to experience independence — as part of your life with the guy you love or on your own — and you’ll have a better idea of what important to you,’ Smith advises.
Because you know it’s not going to be a day trip, and it’s not going to be a fling. Deception and fury will be left behind if it develops into a new relationship.
‘All of this will ultimately come up with you,’ says Rudkin. ‘If you’re unhappy in your marriage, tell your spouse and provide him the respect he deserves.’
Only by breaking this cycle will we be able to be happy.
‘Happiness comes from living a life that is important to you, not from accepting the first opportunity that comes along,’ adds McConnachie.
Rupert Smith is a psychotherapist and author.
Sex is written by James McConnachie (Rough Guides)
Clinical psychologist Dr. Angharad Rudkin
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